Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
