i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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