If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
