I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
