Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
