Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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