bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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