Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
