My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
