Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
