I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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