It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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