he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
