Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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