remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
