why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
