Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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