I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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