I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize
