We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
