I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
