i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize