At least make sure they are 18
Why
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
