it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
