I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
