Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
