He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
