Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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