if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
