I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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