she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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