summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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