dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He passed out mid-signature
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
