You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
