nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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