I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
