I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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