yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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