That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
When did angry sex become our thing?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
third nipple confirmed
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
