I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
