I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
