Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
