bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
