I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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