I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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