Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Randomize
