he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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