Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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