you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
