If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
