Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
