There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Randomize
