this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
