Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
