She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
vagina is talking i cant
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
