Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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