It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
