so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
