I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
