After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
