i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
