So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
