She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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