You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
