i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
