All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
